Word Play / Puns Jokes

I’m writing a book called ‘Stop Overreacting.’
If no one buys it I’m going to kill myself.

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The seven dwarfs are in the bath, and they all were feeling happy.
Happy climbed out, then they all felt Grumpy.

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I don’t know if my ceiling is the  best ceiling, but it’s definitely up there.

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My wife threatened to leave me if I didn’t stop with the endless flamingo impressions.
So I had to put my foot down.

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Did you know Danny Welbeck’s dad was a bomb disposal expert.
His name was Stan Welbeck.

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Q: What kind of cards do donkeys send out near Christmas?

A: Mule-tide greetings.

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Someone just filled me in about those small places in the hot, sandy desert called an “Oasis.” …
That’s where the Arab boys go to eat their dates.

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Why are buildings called buildings if they're finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

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I can’t remember what 51, 6 and 500 are in Roman numerals… fcuking livid

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My wife has eczema on her Boobs.
She has a cracking pear of Tits.

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