Stupid / Dumb Jokes

I didn’t realise how good I am on the phone until I found out my call to customer service may be used for training purposes.

View

I took my son’s goldfish to the vet today but it died just before we got there.
I knew I should have put some air holes in the cardboard box.

View

Man: Let me have some grits and a Coca Cola.
Guy behind the counter: You must be from Georgia.
Man: What the hell kinda stereotypical remark is that? If I walked in here and asked for a sausage, would you think I was Polish?
Guy: No.
Man: If I walked in here and asked for some Chow Mein, would you think I was Chinese?
Guy: No.
Man: If I walked in here and asked for some pizza, would you think I was Italian?
Guy: No.
Man: Then why in the hell do you think I’m from Georgia?
Guy: Because this is a hardware store.

View

Staggering through town late last night, when I came across a group of women out celebrating.
I shouted the usual for a laugh, “Show me your tits, girls!”
To my surprise all of them obliged giving me a quick flash before replying back, “Show us your nuts, handsome!”
So, I started licking the lamp post and waving my arms about.

View

I’ve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I’m getting pissed off.
It keeps asking me, ‘Where do you want to go?’
So I click on the icon that says ‘Home’ and then it makes me start again.

View

I saw a woman walking alone in the street last night so I stopped beside her.
I said, “Can I give you a lift home?”
“No thanks, I’d rather walk” she replied.
“Is it because I’m a stranger?” I asked.
She said, “No, it’s because you’re on a Segway.”

View

If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.

View

Someone broke into my house last night and left a note saying they’d broken one of my keyboard keys.
I onder hich one.

View

My mum always told me, “Never do something that you’ll regret later in life.”
I always thought that it was great advice. So I got it tattooed on my forehead.

View

Well, that was an awkward birthday dinner!
Turns out that MILF doesn’t stand for Mum I’ll Love Forever…

View