Science Jokes

My family was playing a trivia board game one night. When it was my brother-in-law's turn, he rolled the dice and landed on "Science & Nature."

His question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

He thought for a moment and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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A college student said to his mother, “I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!”
“That is very nice,” muted his mother. “You can go upstairs and start with your room.”

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I’ve just picked up my new iPhone and I’m well impressed.
The first thing I did was ring up my brother and spend a good twenty minutes boasting about all its amazing features.
It would’ve been longer but the fcuking battery died.

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Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it’s under the couch in the other room.

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A neutrino walks into a bar ... and keeps going!!

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My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80’s like.
So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone.

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Q: What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle?
A: "You think you're always right!"

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Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.

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A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.
Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.
“It’s very brave of you to come out here,” says Matthew. “Please tell the audience what happened.”
“Well,” replies Simon, “about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn’t save my legs.”
“That’s terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?” asks Matthew.
“No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful.
“I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.”
A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.
Kelly responds with:
“That’s an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?”
“Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half-uncle.”

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Mercury has a harsh climate, as the day time temperature is 430 degrees Celcius. At night however, it freezes to -170 degrees Celcius.
First world problems.

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