School Jokes

Why are kindergarten teachers so optimistic?

Because every day they try to make the little things count.

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A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

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A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

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Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"

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Yesterday I asked my daughter for a newspaper and she passed me an iPad because apparently newspapers are “old school”. She was right, the fly didn’t stand a chance.

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There was a lady going to the bathroom.

As she was on her way, 2 students followed her eagerly to ask a question.

As she was entering the bathroom one of the students asked her: "Is this your office Ma'am?"

She answered: "My office is the other way, this is my other office"

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Friend:Who are we looking for? Me: We're finding Nemo. Friend:Then why are we looking around the school? We should be looking in the school toilets!

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One day Little Billy is at school showing off his new Spiderman watch. When Little Johnny spots it he asks, “How did you get that watch?”
“I walked in on my Mum & Dad having sex.” explained Billy “My Dad shouted at me, then later came to apologise and bought me this new watch to say sorry”.
That night Johnny had a plan, he’d stay awake until he heard his Mum & Dad getting down to it and then burst in on them and maybe get a watch for himself. Everything went to plan and as he burst in shouting,
“I wanna watch!”
“Go get yourself a chair and be quiet then.” replied his Dad.

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Q: How does a teenage schoolboy propose marriage?
A: YOUR HAVING A WHAT!?!

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Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.

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