So, a kid happens to see his mom naked and asks, pointing to her vagina, "What is that?" The mom replies, "That is my house." She responds. A little while later the kid sees his dad naked and asks the same question. "Well, son, that is the Big Bad Wolf," responds the dad. Some time goes bye and the kid goes into his parents bedroom, while they are amidst sex. "Hey mom," pipes the kid, "watch out! I think the Big Bad Wolf just walked into your house and shot the piggie!"
Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son.
It's time to go to school!"
"Buy why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"
Dad: Where's your homework?
Kid: Oh, it's done.
Dad: I said WHERE.
Kid: in the world.
Dad: Where in the world?
Kid: In our home, duh
Dad: Where in the home?
Kid: Which home?
Dad: Our home!
Kid: Who is our?
Dad: You, your mother and I
Kid: Which eye? The left or right?
Dad: Shut up!
****Dad leaves home****
Mother had just finished waxing the floors when she heard her young son opening the front door. She shouted, “Be careful on that floor, Jimmy; it’s just been waxed.”
Jimmy, walking right in, replied, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m wearing my cleats.”
Q: How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?
A: First, mom checks out three books at the library on electricity, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five-dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five-dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed and there is light.
Does anyone remember when it was normal for kids to go outside and be gone all day, but parents wouldn’t know where you were, just that you better be home when it is dark?
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any change?”
I said “No, you’re still black”.
A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"