Jokes for Kids

An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise when he sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" says the old man.

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy walks by, dragging behind him 30 chickens caught in the chicken wire.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walk by carrying a shiny roll of something. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy walks by, trailing behind him 30 ducks caught in a long trail of duct tape.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying a branch behind him. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a pussy willow."

"Wait up," says the old man. "I'll get my hat!"

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Q: How was break dancing invented?
A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.

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There was a three storey apartment building with a black family living on the ground floor, a paki family on the middle floor and a white family living on the top floor.
One day an earthquake struck and totally destroyed the building. Which of the three families survied?
The white family, because the parents were at work and the kids were at school.

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It is better to be on seventh heaven, rather than on the seventh month.

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Yo' Mama is so ugly, kids at the zoo feed her bananas.

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When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.

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The school called me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies".

"Well tell him he's f*cking good" I replied, "I ain't got any kids!"

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When I was a kid, my family was very poor…
One afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying.
Poor Onions.
He was such a good dog…

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When I was a kid, my Chuck Norris action figure broke all my other toys while I was at school.
When my mom tried to throw him away, he killed her.

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A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

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