Gross Jokes

Q: What is the thing that you keep on looking for, but when you find it, you throw it away?
A: A booger.

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Q: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A: Use more lube.

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Back in the day, when they stamped each can in the grocery store with a sticker price, there was a store employee doing just that. Standing in the aisle next to him was a lady trying to figure out what she wanted. The employee smelled that this lady had let a silent bomb escape from her ass. Quite annoyed at her indescretion, he said to her, "Wait 'til you see the prices, lady. You'll s**t!"

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A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick it up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter have acted like a kind of flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Poor pancake... and you were so hungry.

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"Eat your vegetables son it puts hairs on your chest, look see, I'm as hairy as a gorilla" "Stop it mom that's gross."

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What's grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
What's grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.

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Cockroaches are gross, though. It doesn't even sound like a bug; it sounds like the world's worst STD. It's like, 'You hear about Cindy? She's got crabs.' 'That's nothing. Bob -- cockroaches.'

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The cost of living is the difference between your net income and your gross habits!

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Bully: Hey loser your dick belongs in your pants not your personality.

Others: HAHAHA.

Me: At least I have one.

Me: Are you talking about the one in your butt?.

Others: OOH.

Me: Nope im talking about the one in your mom.

Others: DAAAM.

Bully: You are as gay as your grandpas porn episodes.

Others: WOOOOOOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM.

Me: I am straighter the pole your mom dances on.

Others: WOOOOOOOW OMG DAMM THIS IS SERIOUS.

Bully: Fuck you.

Me: Just like I f*cked you and your sister in a threesome.

Others: IT NEVER ENDS.

Bully: I f*cked your mom with my peppermint stick dick after I was done with her she was shooting out peppermints.

Others:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Me: Boy the closest you will ever get to a pussy is a cat.

Others: WHEN WILL THIS EVER ENNDDDDD.

Bully: Ugly little b*tch.

Me: Im not a mirror.

Others: OOOOOOOH.

Bully: Boy you are a gross ugly f*ck.

"Friend comes over."

Friend: Whats are you talking about?

Bully: Something you dont have.

Others: OOOOOOH.

Bully: Rekt.

Friend: Just like yourself, dick, and life.

Others:OMGUHSKBJHVDJVDHVGCVDJCVHHJDSVCJSDVCJHD

Bully: ...

Me: Give your ass some attention its probably jealous of all of the shit coming out your mouth.

Others: BOOOOOOOM.

"I walk away with pride."

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Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
It's all over town.

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