Two little snakes were hissing near their pit. The mother snake came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, ''Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!'' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, ''Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.''
Say 'addicted' after everything I ask:
What is someone who does drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night?
Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the British and the Anglo Indians too,here Goes:
GANPAT-RAI Bihari ,(who really needs a job) is being interviewed by British, Colonel Smith
Col Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!!
Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘jyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)??
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marata honga.
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)… baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga… aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai,lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ….jo hukum.
After a few days there is no one except Col.Smith’s wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom. While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie
the knot behind. So……
Wife: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.
Wife: Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot).
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??
Wife: Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.
Wife: Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum.
Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull.
Panic stricken the wife tries to turn and shouts:
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!
Ganpatrai :Memsaab…Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega.
One day on a plane there were 100 bricks and one fell off. How many are left? 99
What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. put the giraffe in 3.close the fridge
What are the 4 steps to putting a rhino in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. take out the giraffe 3. put the rhino in. 4. close the fridge.
The animals were throwing a party and all the animals but one came. What was it? The rhino
A girl crossed a low bridge over crocodile infested water, but didn't die. Why? The crocodiles were at the party.
When she got to the other side she died though. Why?
A brick fell from a plane and hit her on the head
Do you like Dragons? Because later I'll be Dragon my balls across your face.
A guy driving a small car pulled up to a stop light next to a luxury car. He rolled down his window and shouted to the other driver, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a Hi-Fi sound system in your car? I've got a Hi-Fi sound system in my car!"
The driver of the luxury car looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a Hi-Fi sound system."
The driver of the small car said, "That's great man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my car!"
The driver of the luxury car, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. My car is is one of the finest cars in the world!"
The driver of the small car said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? I got a bed in the back of my car!"
The driver of the luxury car, upset that he did not have a bed, sped away and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered a bed to be installed in the back of his car.
The next morning, he returned to pick up his vehicle, and the bed looked superb. It came complete with silk sheets and a brass-trimmed headboard. It was clearly a bed fit for a luxury car.
So the driver began searching for the small car. He drove around all day and finally found it late that night. It was parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside.
He got out and knocked on the window of the small car. When there wasn't any answer, he continued knocking and knocking until finally, the owner lowered the window, and stuck his soaking wet head out.
"I now have a bed in the back of my car," the driver of the luxury car stated arrogantly.
The driver of the small car looked at him narrowly and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!?!"
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
T he sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, “I can’t believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!”
The magistrate looked at him and replied, “And you must be what’s passing through.”
What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? Answer: Gum
What do you call an honest lawyer?