A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, Silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, “Paw, What’s ‘at?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I dunno. I ain’t never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain’t got no idea’r what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son,
“Boy, go git yo Momma….”
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A. A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
A man is walking in London, when it suddenly starts raining so he takes shelter in a peek-a-boo sex shop and pays $50 to get in. He’s then confronted by 3 doors.
They read “Blonde”, “Brunette” and “Black”. He chooses “Blonde”, only to be confronted by 3 more doors reading “Small Tits”, “Medium Tits” or “Big Tits”.
This time he chooses “Big Tits” only to be again confronted with 3 more doors reading “Small Cunt”, “Large Cunt”, “Wet Cunt”.
Somewhat excited now, he chooses “Wet Cunt”, pushes his way through the door, and finds himself back out in the rain.
Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here!
Cop: Okay, calm down. Where are you?
Blonde: The cemetery!
A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking. He stopped without hesitation and she climbed into the cab showing mountains of cleavage. Two miles further down the road, he got a flat, pulled to the side of the road and got out to inspect the tire. He was fiddling around with the wheel, when the blonde opened the window and shouted down, "Do you want a screwdriver?" The driver replied, all smiles, "Might as well. I can't get this fucking hub cap off."
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver’s license.
The motorist digs around in her purse but can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home, officer.”
The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?”
The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.”
The cop says, “Let me see.” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, “O Fcuk!!!, if I’d known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have pulled you over.”
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.