Patient: "Doctor, I have to ask a personal question, if you don’t mind. Why do you charge fees much lower than other doctors?"
Doctor: "You see, I am not a M.B.B.S. I am only a B.Sc."

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An old man goes to his doctor.
The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."

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Models can't eat at all. They live off air and hairspray.

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The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over.
Everywhere I touch it hurts."
The doctor replies, "OK.
Touch your elbow."
The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain.
The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head."
The guy touches his head and jumps in agony.
The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens.
Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell.
The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days.
Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem."
"Oh yeah?
What is it?" asks the retiree.
The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"

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A guy went to the doctor to quit smoking, and the doctor gave him a nicotine patch, which he promptly put on his penis. A couple of weeks, he came back to the doctor's.
"How's it going?" the doctor asked him.
"Great," he replied. "I haven't had a butt in weeks."

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You have a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Slim-Fast for lunch; then, you eat a sensible dinner.' How sensible are you going to be after eating powder all day?

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"How are your hemorrhoids?"
"Swell."

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I have this big problem, doctor - everyone is calling me crazy just because I love hot dogs …
- That’s stupid, in my opinion - frankly, I adore hot dogs too, but nobody calls me crazy ...
- Really? Great, doctor! Why don’t you come along with me and I’ll show you my collection!

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There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might not be able to paint anymore, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so thankful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall.

When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to showcase her works of art in the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank God I'm not a urologist.'"

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An engineer and a psychiatrist meet up for their 20th college reunion.

The engineer says, "I'm surprised to see you still looking so young. I'd have thought listening to people's problems all day would have given you a mass of wrinkles."

The psychiatrist says, "You think we listen?"

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You ever do the Lifecycle? You know, you're on there for hours. It's a stationary bicycle: you pedal, you go nowhere for hours. They should call this the 'get a life-cycle.'

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