What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
A polo bear.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.

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Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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I was in a quandry. My pet cockroach broke a leg tonight.
I thought about taking it to a vet, but you know how expensive vet’s visits are.
Then I had a bright idea! I fastened the leg in place with a roach clip until it heals.
If you are stopping by to help me blaze a joint, could you bring a clip?

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Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They live in schools.

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Every time I see a politician on the campaign trail, they make all kinds of promises they have no intention of living up to. Basically, our election system has become a more sophisticated version of that game you used to play with your dog when you were a kid, where you'd take a tennis ball and fake throw it and watch him run out and try to find it. 'What is that? Is that healthcare? You want healthcare, don't you? Go get it!'

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A guy walks into a bar and asks, "Who owns that Doberman tied up outside?"

A man replies, "That's my dog".

"Well," says the first man, "I think my Chihuahua killed him."

"Your CHIHUAHUA killed my Doberman?"

"How'd he do that?" asks the man at the bar.

"I'm not sure. I think he got lodged in his throat".

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Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."

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A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that's a sweet ass.

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What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

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