If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

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I don't want to be younger, I really don't. Every time I look back a couple years, I think, 'God, what a jerk I was.' But with that knowledge comes the realization that I'm a jerk right now. I think that's why old people get real quiet. They're like, 'Man, I'm an idiot. I'm going to just stand right here.'

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The six year old asked his grandpa how old he was. Grandpa decided to have some fun and replied, "I really don't know."

The boy said, "Why don't your look in your underwear?"

"Why would I do that?" he replied in wonder.

"Well mine says 4 to 6 and I am six years old."

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After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance.

The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change.

As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!"

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A father sends a small boy to bed. Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

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Billy and Tommy were watching a boat pull a man on skis across the lake.
“What makes that boat go so fast?” asked little Billy.
It’s because that man on the string is chasing it,” said Tommy.

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Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

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See, the rules have changed, men. It's a different world. I've got a mini van. My father never had a minivan. I grew up in the late 60s, early 70s. He had a '68 Chrysler with vinyl seats, he made a turn -- my brother and I were hanging out of the window. He didn't care. He was trying to lose us.

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It is better to be on seventh heaven, rather than on the seventh month.

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Why is it called a 'Picnic'?
Betty Sue wanted to eat outside on a hot summer day with her boyfriend. Problem: she had two boyfriends, Fred and Nick. Considering she knew she wouldn't have a very happy lunch if the two boys were arguing, she decided just to choose one boy to have the meal.
She Picked Nick.

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Q: How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

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