Intimacy is selfish: into me see.

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Q:What did 1 saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A: We better get support quick or people are gonna think we're nuts!!

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What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? Answer: Gum

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Q. What does an airport and a prostitute have in common?

A. They both ask you to put your liquids into a little plastic bag.

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Did a sexual harassment course earlier today at work. I think I’m going to be really good at it.

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I was at the dentist the other day. He was like, 'Kevin, you have gingivitis.' I was like, 'Damn it. I shoulda wore a condom.'

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Me: hey girl spell me
Hot Chick: ok M-E
Me: you forgot the D
Hot Chick: theres no D in Me
Me: not yet

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I think some girls should be restricted from wearing yoga pants.

I just saw a camel toe that looked like a queen size mattress folded in half.

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What’s the difference between weed and vag?
If you can smell weed across the room that means it’s good.

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Can’t believe I’ve just been arrested for rape. She told me she was a fortune teller so she must have known it was gonna happen.

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A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"
Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."
Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"
Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."
Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"
Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

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