Why are kindergarten teachers so optimistic?

Because every day they try to make the little things count.

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There was a lady going to the bathroom.

As she was on her way, 2 students followed her eagerly to ask a question.

As she was entering the bathroom one of the students asked her: "Is this your office Ma'am?"

She answered: "My office is the other way, this is my other office"

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Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.

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This is me, when asked by my parents what my final exam grades were....

"I don't know what more they want? They give me questions I don't know, I give them answers they don't know."

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Teacher: Will any idiot in the room stand up please?
(a student stands up)
Teacher: Why do you think you are an idiot? Student: actually I don't, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.

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The math teacher saw that Daphne wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on her and said, "Daphne! What are 2 and 4, and 28 and 44?"

Daphne quickly replied, "ABC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

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The teacher asks a pretty female student:
“Name three plays by Shakespeare.”
“4 inches, 8 inches and 12 inches.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

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Q: How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?

A: First, mom checks out three books at the library on electricity, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five-dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five-dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed and there is light.

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It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride."
The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride."
The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book." "Which one?" asks the teacher.
"Winnie-the-S**t!"

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A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"
A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.

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