It's dinner time. Mom tell her 4 year old son to give a call to his dad to get home early for dinner together.


Mom: "Son, please give your father a call and tell him to come back early, we'll having dinner together"

Son: "Yes ,mom."

A moment later...dialing...

Son:" Mom...someone had pick up the call...but..."

Mom: "But what?"

Son: "It sounds like a..."

Mom: "Any problem with that?"

Son:"No mom..."

Mom: "So?"

Son: "hmm..."

Mom: "Make sure tell your dad to come back early..."

Son: "Yeah...but...that's not dad, is...a women's voice..."

Mom:"What!!!"

His mom getting angry with this... Soon,daddy went home.

Dad:"Hey darling,I'm back..."

Mom(angry): "MAKE SURE TO CLEAN YOURSELF FIRST! DON'T TRY TO LIE IN THIS FAMILY!!!"

Dad: "Hey??? What I've done....?"

They argue for a long time... Dad goes straight to his room and mom sits on the sofa.

After a while...

Son: "Mom, please don't angry..."

Mom: "Your father betrayed us, he had another women... (mom crying)

Son:"Don't cry mom, father won't leave us and the women told me to try later..."

Mom: "Gosh!!! what else she told you?"

Son: She told me that, "The number you've dial is out of coverage, please try later."

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Growing up, I was really jealous of my best friend. His grandmother lived in a two story house which he went over to visit quite often.

My grandmother lived in a one story house.

The only story I ever heard was "The Little Engine That Could", OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

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A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter son?” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean, 'all wet'?” she asks.

“I mean,” he replied, “well below C-level.”

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One day while at her job as a bank loan officer, Patty Black, had a frog hop onto her desk and say, "I would like to apply for a lily-pad improvement loan." Patty looked incredulously at the frog and said, "I'm sorry, we don't loan money to frogs." To which the frog replied, "I have collateral," as he handed her a small ceramic trinket. Not wanting to be impolite, Patty said, "I don't know. I'll have to talk to the bank manager."

She walked back to the manager's office and said, "There is a frog out here, asking for a lily-pad improvement loan, and this trinket is all he has for collateral." The bank manager picked up the trinket and looked at it carefully. Then smiling he turned to Patty and said, "Why it's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan."

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Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count to 10" moments than any of the others.

Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes.

A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out, "Are you out there wetting your pants again?!?!"

There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."

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Cool message to mother-in-law:
“Dear Mother-in-law, Don’t teach me how to handle my children.
I am living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement!

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At my 40th high school reunion a friend asked me, ‘Why didn’t we have a drug problem when we were growing up?’ …
….
I replied that I had a drug problem when I was young: …

I was drug to church on Sunday morning. …
….
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. ….
….
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather. ….
….
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the pastor.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom or grandma’s garden and flower beds.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, the USA would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us.

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One evening as she was preparing dinner her 8-year-old son came down to the kitchen and he was crying hysterically. The loving mother bent down and said, "Honey what's wrong?" He said, "Mom, I just cleaned my room!" And she said, "Well, I'm very proud of you" "Why on earth would that make you cry?"
The eight year old looked up through his tears and said, "Because I still can't find my pet snake!"

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Daughter: I can't marry him, Mother. He's an atheist and doesn't believe there's a hell.

Mother: Marry him, my dear, and between us we can convince him that he's wrong.

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Q: What do you call a holy redneck with absolutely no family?
A: The Sole inbred.

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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

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