Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.

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For the first time a woman has been voted onto a council in Saudi Arabia.
The leader of the council said “Allah be praised we finally have someone to make a cup of tea at council meetings”

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If a woman says she’s wrong, is she still wrong?

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I’ve had my mood ring about a month now. When I’m in a good mood it turns blue.
When I’m in a bad mood it turns my girlfriend’s eye black.

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A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

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I was in a club last night and I got approached by a rather fat butch looking woman.
She had one of those fancy designer handbags with the words ‘ GUESS ‘ on the side.
“About 90 Kgs”, I said, “And you’re a man?”

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A recent study says that weight loss dramatically boosts men’s sexual health.
So start hitting the gym, ladies.

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A woman knocked on my door collecting for a feminist organisation.
So I gave her some Razors.

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The first thing I look for in a woman is Intelligence.
Because if she doesn’t have that there’s a good chance I can fuck her.

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Little Johnny's teacher gives the class a homework assignment, "Explain the difference between a theory and reality." Little Johnny goes home and is so stumped he asks his sisters ages 21 and 16 for help, and they can't come up with anything either. He then tries asking his father. The father thinks for a bit and replies, "Go to your older sister and ask her if she would suck a guys dick. Then ask her if she would do it for a million dollars. Then go to your younger sister and ask her the same two questions. Write down their answers and bring it back to me." Johnny says, "Okay," and runs off to find his older sister. He asks her the first question and she responds, "Maybe, if I like him." "Would you do it for a million dollars?" She replies, "Hell yes!" He finds the younger sister and asks her the same questions. Her first reply was "Eeeew, no!" but the second answer was "Yeah, sure." Johnny writes down their answers and takes them back to his father. The father looks over them and replies, "There you go." Johnny asks, "What do you mean?" The father says, "Well in theory we have two million dollars, but in reality we have two cocksuckers."

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There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy.
One is to take her shopping.
The rest is 69.

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