Helium walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

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Has anyone had a look in Schrödinger’s grave to see if he’s in there?

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According to Albert Einstein there is nothing faster than the speed of light.

But he is wrong... you can make something much more faster than light:

1. First take torch or a flash light.
2. Now take a video camera and record it.
3. Now put the video you have recorded in to your video player.

4. FAST FORWARD THE VIDEO.

CONGRATULATIONS YOU GOT SOMETHING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

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News: “Lab-grown penises ready for testing on men”
Now I’m no scientist but I can see a fundamental error here.

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Just because a frog is green, does that mean its Irish?

No.

That is correct. Because when you look at it when its a baby, it looks a tad-polish!

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I stumbled out of the pub at one o’clock last night. I was starving, so I got my phone out, pressed a button and said, “OK Google; Where is the nearest kebab shop?”
After a few seconds, the voice said, “Fcuk off, Dad. I’ve got work in the morning.”

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Phones nowadays are so expensive, when you fall and hear a crack, you pray it’s your leg.

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WhatsApp kept crashing on my phone, so I downloaded something called ‘The Bugs Bunny’ to sort it out.
It’s a WhatsApp Doc.
 

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How do you know if someone has an iPhone?
They tell you.

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Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dong.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

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There are 5 states of matter: … Solids, Liquids, Gases, Plasma and …..
…..
Black Lives

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