I stumbled out of the pub at one o’clock last night. I was starving, so I got my phone out, pressed a button and said, “OK Google; Where is the nearest kebab shop?”
After a few seconds, the voice said, “Fcuk off, Dad. I’ve got work in the morning.”

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Phones nowadays are so expensive, when you fall and hear a crack, you pray it’s your leg.

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WhatsApp kept crashing on my phone, so I downloaded something called ‘The Bugs Bunny’ to sort it out.
It’s a WhatsApp Doc.
 

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How do you know if someone has an iPhone?
They tell you.

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Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dong.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

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There are 5 states of matter: … Solids, Liquids, Gases, Plasma and …..
…..
Black Lives

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What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? …

Thrown out of the petting zoo.

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The new iPhone 7 is just a slower, heavier, thicker, and much less attractive version of the iPhone 8.

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Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.

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Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.

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A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

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