What do you call a fart?
A turd honking for the right of way.

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Q: How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo?
A: It uses a stem cell phone.


Q: What's the difference between a urethra and a garden hose?
A: Well, let me tell you, there's a vas deferens...


Q: What is the thing that you keep on looking for, but when you find it, you throw it away?
A: A booger.


Q: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A: Use more lube.


Back in the day, when they stamped each can in the grocery store with a sticker price, there was a store employee doing just that. Standing in the aisle next to him was a lady trying to figure out what she wanted. The employee smelled that this lady had let a silent bomb escape from her ass. Quite annoyed at her indescretion, he said to her, "Wait 'til you see the prices, lady. You'll s**t!"


A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick it up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter have acted like a kind of flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Poor pancake... and you were so hungry.


Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
It's all over town.


1.Come out of the stall with wet hands.

2.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, 'Darn, I almost made it!'

3.Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer.

4.Wear papertowels wrapped around your head and pretend you're Erykah Badu.

5.Write on the wall of a women's bathroom 'Tom was here.' In the men's bathroom write 'Michael Jackson was here.'

6.Ask a person in the stall next to you for a tampon.

7.Roll a roll of toilet paper all the way down the row of stalls.

8.For women, stand in front of the toilet.

9.Scream 'Ohh it burns!' as you use the bathroom.

10.Lock the door from the inside, sound frustrated that you can't get out, then crawl under the door, getting as dirty as possible and complain to the manager that the door is faulty.


Q: Why did the skeleton burp?
A: It didn't have the guts to fart.