What do you call a fart? A turd honking for the... | SuperJokes.Net

What do you call a fart?
A turd honking for the right of way.

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Q: How does one human embryo talk to another human embryo?
A: It uses a stem cell phone.

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Q: What's the difference between a urethra and a garden hose?
A: Well, let me tell you, there's a vas deferens...

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Q: What is the thing that you keep on looking for, but when you find it, you throw it away?
A: A booger.

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Q: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A: Use more lube.

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Back in the day, when they stamped each can in the grocery store with a sticker price, there was a store employee doing just that. Standing in the aisle next to him was a lady trying to figure out what she wanted. The employee smelled that this lady had let a silent bomb escape from her ass. Quite annoyed at her indescretion, he said to her, "Wait 'til you see the prices, lady. You'll s**t!"

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A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick it up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter have acted like a kind of flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Poor pancake... and you were so hungry.

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Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
It's all over town.

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1.Come out of the stall with wet hands.

2.Pour water in a constant stream on the floor and say, 'Darn, I almost made it!'

3.Wash you hair and dry it in the hand dryer.

4.Wear papertowels wrapped around your head and pretend you're Erykah Badu.

5.Write on the wall of a women's bathroom 'Tom was here.' In the men's bathroom write 'Michael Jackson was here.'

6.Ask a person in the stall next to you for a tampon.

7.Roll a roll of toilet paper all the way down the row of stalls.

8.For women, stand in front of the toilet.

9.Scream 'Ohh it burns!' as you use the bathroom.

10.Lock the door from the inside, sound frustrated that you can't get out, then crawl under the door, getting as dirty as possible and complain to the manager that the door is faulty.

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Q: Why did the skeleton burp?
A: It didn't have the guts to fart.

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What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

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Two little snakes were hissing near their pit. The mother snake came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, ''Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!'' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, ''Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.''

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Did you know Danny Welbeck’s dad was a bomb disposal expert.
His name was Stan Welbeck.

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Due to the way our Hindi was pronounced by the British and the Anglo Indians too,here Goes:
GANPAT-RAI Bihari ,(who really needs a job) is being interviewed by British, Colonel Smith
Col Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai)!!
Bihari: Nahi sir, jyada nahi!!
Col. Smith: Kya ‘jyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.
Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.
Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)??
Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.
Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marata honga.
The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!
Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.
Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai
Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar
Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)… baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga… aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.
Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to theek hai,lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.
Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.
Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.
Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ….jo hukum.
After a few days there is no one except Col.Smith’s wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom. While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie
the knot behind. So……
Wife: Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?
Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.
Wife: Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro-tie the bra knot).
Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??
Wife: Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota hai.
Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.
Wife: Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.
Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum.
Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull.
Panic stricken the wife tries to turn and shouts:
Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!
Ganpatrai :Memsaab…Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega.

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One day on a plane there were 100 bricks and one fell off. How many are left? 99
What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. put the giraffe in 3.close the fridge
What are the 4 steps to putting a rhino in the fridge? 1. open the fridge 2. take out the giraffe 3. put the rhino in. 4. close the fridge.
The animals were throwing a party and all the animals but one came. What was it? The rhino
A girl crossed a low bridge over crocodile infested water, but didn't die. Why? The crocodiles were at the party.
When she got to the other side she died though. Why?
A brick fell from a plane and hit her on the head

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Why do pill bottles have cotton buds in the top of them?
To remind niggers that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

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Student: What’s infinity?
Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I’ve got one.
Teacher: Good. That’s not it.

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Yo momma's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.

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Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?

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Q. What mode do you use in maths?
A. Multi-plyers.

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