Two little snakes were hissing near their pit. The mother snake came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit. If you want to hiss go over to Mrs. Pott's pit and hiss. The two little snakes went over to Mrs. Pott's pit to hiss. Mrs. Potts came out and said, ''Hey you two little snakes, what are you doing hissing near my pit? If you want to hiss, go back over to your own pit and hiss!'' The two little snakes went back to their own pit to hiss. Their mother came out and said, ''What are you doing hissing near our pit? I thought I told you to go over to Mrs. Pott's house to hiss. They said, Mrs. Potts said if we wanted to hiss we had to go back to our own pit to hiss. The mother snake said, ''Well, I knew Mrs. Potts before she had a pit to hiss in.''
A boy went into a hoare house and said he wanted an AIDS's infected prostitute.
The woman at reception said room 9 top of the hall.
He went to the room and did his business.When he was leaving she asked him why he wanted her she being aids infected.
The boy answered,"When I go home i'll sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with the babysitter then my dad will sleep with my mam then in the morning my mam will fuck the milkman and thats the BASTARD that ran over my dog.
Morty to his vet: "Doc, I have a problem with my dog."
Dr. Saul: "Tell me more."
Morty: "He's a Jewish dog. His name is Seth, and he can talk."
Dr. Saul: "That's impossible!"
Morty: "Watch this. Seth, Fetch!"
Seth: "So why are you talking to me like that? You only call me when you want something. You make me sleep on the cold floor. You give me this crappy food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a fast pish and right back home."
Dr. Saul: "This is remarkable! So what's the problem?"
Morty: "He has a hearing problem. I said 'Fetch', NOT 'Kvetch'."
Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher then the average house due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can't jump?
These two Polish hunters are out in the woods. They are lucky enough to bag a moose-a really big buck with a nice spread of antlers.
Flushed with satisfaction and eager to get their trophy home, they proceed to grab hold of the moose’s tail and start pulling the carcass out of the woods. They pull and pull and pull but it won’t budge.
Finally a fellow hunter comes by and says, “Excuse me for offering some advice-but you might find it easier to haul that thing by the horns.” The two Polish hunters are ecstatic to hear this! Thanking the visitor heartily, they each grab an antler and start pulling.
A few hours later the fellow hunter passes by again and sees the two tired Polish hunters still at it, slowly but steadily pulling their moose by its horns through the woods.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
“Great!” they reply. “We only have one problem: we are getting farther and farther away from our car.
"Three to five times a day."
"No, no... I mean male or female?"
"Yes, male, female, sometimes camel."
"Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general."
"But isn't that hostile?"
"Horse style, doggy style, any style!"
"No, no! Deer run too fast..."
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".