Im not saying she's a slut, I'm just saying I've seen her vagina on dirty jobs.

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Q: If you have 4 apples and 3 oranges in one hand, and 3 apples and 4 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Very large hands!!

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The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep!

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When women wear a bikini, they reveal 90% of their body….
Most men are so polite that they only look at the covered parts

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Q. Why did the belt go to jail?
A. Because he held up a pair of pants!

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Trying to find just the right name for your child? Why not pick one of these?
Just find your profession below and we have the right name for you!
Lawyer’s daughter: Sue
Thief’s son: Rob
Lawyer’s son: Will
Doctor’s son: Bill
Hair stylist’s son: Bob
Homeopathic doctor’s son: Herb
Justice of the peace’s daughter: Mary
Sound stage technician’s son: Mike
Gambler’s daughter: Bette
Iron worker’s son: Rusty
TV star’s daughter: Emmy
Movie star’s son: Oscar

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No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.

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If you get coffee from a coffee shop and don't put it on Instagram, did it really happen?

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There are only two rings in marriage, “the wedding ring" and "the suffering

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My chiropractor is no comic, but he really cracks me up.

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Irish dude walks out of a bar.

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